Where to Meet Your Husband - Ten Easy Steps. (If Only!)

Your future husband could literally be ANYWHERE!

I so wish I could give us a ten step plan that would guarantee a husband in 30 days or less. We’ve all been around the block enough to know that no plan exists, nor could it exist. Every love story is unique (thankfully!).

That old saying, “The rules are: there are no rules,” has never been more true in matters of falling in love. Sure, there are guidelines. Helpful behaviour and mindsets. But no formulas.

It’s pretty funny to me, though, that when people find their significant others, they then tout their stories as THE way to find the one you’re looking for.

I know someone who met her husband at a pub, so now she swears the best way to meet someone is by going out as much as possible (preferably to pubs) et voilà, Husbandville. (I met two of my boyfriends this way, but they weren’t long term loves so . . . Yeah.)

On the flipside, another friend of mine met her husband at home. He was one of her housemates who one day saw her as someone more than just a pal to share the chores and cooking duties. (Friends like to tease them about living together before marriage, but in actual fact, they lived together before dating as one of them moved out so they could date.) But, yes, she began telling all of her single friends that if they just moved in to mixed houseshares, they would automatically meet their future husbands. (I’ve lived with guys who were so NOT housetrained that they’re lucky to be alive, much less be the love of my life.)

Then, there are those who met their future life-sharers through online dating. And wouldn’t you know it, now they’re urging you to sign up for your free account, “just to see what’s out there.” Because nowadays it really is the only way to meet someone. (Yeah, I have plenty of my own Internet dating horror stories making hilarious reading for my blogging audience, but not resulting in a forever love connection.)

The most ideal place we’re told to meet someone is at church. You probably know a lot of people who met each other at church and it makes tons of sense, right? You’re both hopefully on the same page spiritually and wouldn’t have to have the potentially messy, “your church or mine?” negotiation. You might even have the same friend group, which makes life integration seamless. (Alas, I also met two boyfriends at church and learned that sadly, if it ends, “your church or mine?” can turn into “your friends or mine?” too.)

Seriously though, you can meet your man anywhere. On the bus. In line at the movies. In an airport (I dated someone for a couple of months that I met at LAX in the American Airlines check-in line. It’s important to note that when we met, it was also 5:30am and I had no make-up on! Anything’s possible, people.).

Anyway, back to the list . . . At church. At home. Online. At a pub. In a hospital. At work. At the grocery store. On a hike. Walking the dog. In a class. At the bank. On a fishing trip. At the laundromat (his whites mixed with your reds? Awww, pink for everyone!).  At the beach. Delivering your mail. Delivering his mail.  Reading his mail. Oops!

On a train. At midnight. In Paris. Sigh . . .

As many places as there are on the planet, that’s the infinite amount of locales that God could choose as the introductory setting of your love story. You can meet him absolutely anywhere!

Now, how exciting is that!?

And now even MORE exciting: Are you a single woman who longs to be married to a good man, but feel like the clock is ticking and Mr. Right is nowhere in sight? Love is Out There: True Stories of Hope for Single Women Over 30 is now available on Amazon! If you've given in to disappointment, anger or doubt, it's time to believe again. Love is out there! To get your copy of this inspirational book, CLICK HERE.

Why Didn't it Work Out? God Gave Me a Word.

Stinging tears clouded Nora's vision as she clicked on Phil's Facebook photo album marked, "Our Wedding." How handsome he was in his suit. Just as she imagined he would be. How he beamed in the next shot of him watching his bride, arm in arm with her father, floating towards him.

Only his bride happened to be that striking redhead he met last year.

NOT Nora. A perplexing reality, even two years after their break up.

It wasn't that she hadn't dated since then. She had. And she's sure she'd broken the soul ties forged during their several years long relationship. Forgiven him. Wished him well from her heart and prayed that God would bless him. She was "over him."

What she wasn't over was the confusion surrounding the fact that she believed that God had told her he was THE ONE. 

It was a similar story for Elle. Only she DID marry Greg, the man of her dreams. The one she believed God had promised was for her. But here he was, telling her for the twentieth time that he was done and will she just please sign the papers so that he can marry someone else today?

How could this happen if God had confirmed to Elle on multiple occasions that Greg was THE ONE?

Understandably, it rocked Nora and Elle that things hadn't worked out the way they were supposed to. All those fleeces they'd put out. All the words from other prophetic people they knew. The Scriptures and the confirmations of Scriptures. Nora and Elle were both recognized as having prophetic gifting and regularly heard God's voice clearly, but had they just been smoking crack the whole time?

It was only natural that each began to mistrust her own abilities to hear God accurately, even to shy away from listening to Him. What if they "heard wrong" again? And if they DID hear God's voice correctly, then how is it that Nora's miles away as Phil marries someone else and Elle is sending Greg off to start a new life with a new love in about an hour from now?

The easiest answer is to just say you missed it somehow. It happens. That we're each on a journey of learning to discern God's voice among the the other voices of good-intentioned people, not to mention the voice of our own desires. And, well, maybe you just got it wrong.

And if you recognize that you did get it wrong - it's OK; the rest of this post probably doesn't apply to your situation.

But what if you didn't? What then?

*According to Mike Bickle at Kansas City IHOP:

  "Personal prophecy is given to strengthen our resolve to obey God, to be faithful in prayer . . . Prophecy is not a guarantee, but an invitation from God to participate with Him in prayer, faith, and obedience."

I think I may have been absent the day they taught that. I wouldn't have been so hard on myself when my own "Nora and Phil" story came to a drawn out, excruciating close. All that blame and guilt that I must've done something to "chase away" God's promise for me. Somehow, I wasn't faithful with it and now God's taking His word back.

But at times, I also felt betrayed by Him. I had prayed. I did fast. I stuck in there when things seemed impossible. I believed.

Prophecy is an invitation to participate with God, not a guarantee . . .

If you received a word that some day you would have an international ministry of healing, you still have options. If, instead of taking steps of faith by studying what the Bible says about healing and praying for those who are sick or injured around you, you sat around waiting for someone to show up at your door with a plane ticket and an itinerary for your ministry trip, you'll probably be waiting til . . . never.

Prophecy is an invitation to participate with God, not a guarantee . . .

Then this means that everyone involved has a choice. That whole "free will" thing.

If you're still in the midst of waiting for the other person to exercise their free will in a way reflective of what you believe God is saying about the two of you, relax your grip.

Yes, you.

You're holding on too tightly. Don't turn that person, or your desire for your happily ever after with them, into an idol. Accept God's invitation to partner with Him in "prayer, faith and obedience." But for Heaven's sake, don't tell them, "God said . . . " Rather, let the experience draw you into deeper intimacy with Him as you learn to trust Him ever more deeply, whatever the outcome.

Now if you've held on to the last teeniest, tiniest, invisible threads of hope with every fibre of your being, but it's clear the other person isn't having a bar of it (isn't remotely interested, for all you non-New Zealanders) and is obviously happy living a life without you as the main earthly attraction, then you have a couple of choices.

You can keep hanging in there. Pray. Hope. Believe that nothing is final until one of you is dead.

Or you can ask God to show you when to say "when." Because if you guys keep breaking up or if the other person's even told you, straight out, that they're not interested in a future together, then . . . maybe it's time to let this go. And that's OK.

Your heart will heal. You will love again. God WILL restore you. And all the time you look back on as wasted? He'll restore that, too. I promise. And He'll bring you someone even more amazing. After all, since this person was pretty amazing themselves, that HAS to be something to look forward to, right?

*From the transcript of Encountering Jesus: Visions, Revelations, and Angelic Activity from IHOP-KC’s Prophetic History – MIKE BICKLE

Updates from the Laptop

The first deadline for story contributors was this weekend.

The updates: Now while about 30 women signed up to be contributors, only 10 actually sent stories in (with 2 more asking for extensions, so I'm still waiting for those). 1/3 probably isn't 1/2 bad when you think about it (Dig those fractions!).

How did they find me? Mostly on Facebook. I also approached a couple of people after seeing their stories featured somewhere online. Word of mouth  - as in, a friend of a friend of friend - was helpful. Vonda Skelton was kind enough to post my project on her blog, as well, so a few signed up from her site.

Where are they from? I have a gorgeous international sampling from North America, the UK, New Zealand, Asia and Africa!

And the stories - oh, the stories! Each one is really beautiful and unique. So touching. And I'm humbled that these women took the time to share their experiences of finding love and marrying later in life with me, and consequently, with you all.

 

I would really, REALLY appreciate your prayers as I begin the process of editing and organizing and weaving and writing.
 

It's going to be fun!



He Cares About Your Wait

"Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you!" - Russell Kelfer

This morning I was pondering Isaiah 40:31: "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

And I had an image in my mind of actually waiting ON God - as in sitting on His shoulders or even on His back, like dads like to do with their kids, playing pony. When you were little enough to sit on your dad's shoulders, it was a fun treat. 

Your view is broadened. You can see farther - things you couldn't see before - like an eagle. And you're at rest because He's carrying you. If your little legs were tired, now you are "renewing your strength" for the next bout of walking and running.

I like this vision (especially because I'm also imagining an ice cream cone!). ;)

I came across the poem below (Wait by Russell Kelfer) several years ago when I felt God was being pretty slack in fulfilling a promise to me. (Ahem, I'm still waiting for that by the way, Lord.) But reading these words set me on my Father's shoulders, giving me a higher perspective on what He was (and is) busy doing in my life.

I do believe that we must take action steps (says the coach in me!) towards the things we desire. Though we may not be able to bring an outcome about, we can always seek to prepare ourselves for its eventuality. But sometimes, we're just tired. Or there's just nothing more we can do but climb up on Daddy's shoulders.

You know, right now, there's a place for you there.

Read Russell's words, my friend, and be encouraged.

Wait

Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait??" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened?  Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me 'wait'?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no', to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe, 

We need but ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

"I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you!

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late, 

My most precious answer of all....is still...wait." 

Thoughts?

He Wasn't What She Wanted

And the stories roll in! Woo hoo!

When you think about the person you're going to marry (or the person you thought you'd marry), what's he like? Tall? Dark? Handsome? Athletic? Into poetry? Well, for one of my story contributors, she learned that if she hadn't gotten past her wish list, she would've missed the perfect-FOR-HER guy right in front of her.

The issue she surmounted: He just wasn't what she thought she wanted.

I've heard these statements, and the like, so often (names changed - wink):

• "I told myself I would never marry someone shorter than I, but I'd trade in heels any day because Jason is the most amazing guy I've ever met and I'm totally in love with him."
• "My best friend always imagined marrying an older guy, but Gavin is 12 years younger than she is and they absolutely adore each other."
• "My sister had a habit of turning her nose up at guys with no hair, but she ended up with a guy who's totally bald!"
•  "I never wanted to marry a guy who already had children, but Mike is everything I never knew I needed, and I can't imagine life without our little family."

It could be anything really, from physical appearance to educational background to ethnicity. The point is that these girls discovered that their preferences were just that: preferences. They weren't exactly deal breakers.

In my research for this book, I've come across some really interesting, helpful resources - ones that have given me a lot to consider as I reflect on my own journey. I'll be sharing some of these as we go along.

But ONE book I came across last year I have to say I found pretty terrifying at first. It was called: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Not only does the title alone have words that I find abismally insipid ("Settling" and "Good Enough" are not in my vernacular when it comes to my future best-friend-co-adventurer, thank you very much), but it scares you into thinking that if you don't marry the first guy who's decent and . . . well . . . willing . . . a future of spinsterhood and cats awaits you.

As my stomach stopped churning enough for me to crack the book open, page after page, Ms Gottlieb successfully struck fear into my very soul. Now it could've just been the space that I was in (a recent break up with someone who probably could've been "good enough"), but I was really freaking out.

Oh my gosh - it's all my own fault that I'm single! THIS is why! I'm way too picky! Dear Jesus, what have I DONE? According to Lori Gottlieb, I've ruined several perfectly good relationships because of my impossibly high standards/lists of what I'm looking for/inability to be pleased/fill in the blank. I'm DEFINITELY going to "die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs."

Just before I had a nervous breakdown-induced loss of consciousness, a whisper of sanity invaded.

Hold on a minute. She's left out the GOD FACTOR. She's left out all the bits about God having a good plan for you. She's left out the stuff about His guidance and His direction and His care about this matter. And remember that guy you used to like and him and him and that other guy back then? You're actually not as picky as the voice in your head would have you believe. Wooooooosa.

Phew. When I took a minute to chill-the-heck-out, and wade through the mire of fear mongering self-blame, I was able to get a bit of objectivity to sort out some of my preferences from the deal breakers.

• Preference: loves Shakespeare and the classics
• Deal breaker: I have to drag him to church
• Preference: has dark hair
• Deal breaker: thinks my outgoing, bubbly personality should be stifled
• Preference: university educated
• Deal breaker: hates and refuses to travel

Stuff like that.

How about you? If you're married, what are your thoughts about what you thought you wanted versus who you fell in love with? And if you're single, have you sifted through your non-negotiables versus mere preferences? Would love to start a discussion on this!

*Update on the book: Since the last post, three more women have signed up to be story contributors! I know this time of year can be challenging, so I appreciate the stories that have been submitted and those of you who've told me you're busy writing. Still looking for more writers - if that's you sign up here for more details. Thanks! :)

She Prayed For Her Future Husband and . . .

How excited am I about the momentum this book project has?! Very excited, indeed!

There are about a dozen women so far who have signed up here on the site as prospective contributors, as well as about another eight more who have expressed interest. I'm completely blown away by all the fabulous ladies that God has brought across my path who want to be a part of this book - international ministry leaders, homemakers, farmers' wives and writers - from America to Malaysia to New Zealand to the UK to South Africa!

Speaking of, I just received the first story contribution from a lady in South Africa who found me through a friend of a friend (Thank you to my friends who've shared this on your Facebook pages!). Her story was such a beautiful illustration of God's faithfulness to a woman's heart cry, answering her down to the tiniest request. I smiled throughout reading it (and I think I even had tears!)

She prayed for her future husband for years, never knowing who he might be, never dreaming that he would be someone she'd already met almost 30 years prior as a young teenager. And God answered her prayers so specifically.

I've also been praying for my future husband for a while now (off and on) - sometimes it's as simple as asking God to keep him safe and healthy wherever he is, right at that moment, and sometimes I feel prompted in my heart to pray for specific things for him. I'm definitely inspired to keep it up after reading a story that shows in tangible ways how that bears fruit.

So you single friends, if you don't already regularly pray for your future spouses, it would be a great habit to get into - and what a gift to them!

Wow - I cannot WAIT to get this book written and into the hands of my girlfriends and not-yet-girlfriends who need a hope infusion in this area.

My prayer has been that God brings the exact right women with the exact right stories and I believe He is totally answering that prayer.

SPECIAL UPDATE! Love is Out There: True Stories of Hope for Single Women Over 30 is now available on Amazon! If you've given in to disappointment, anger or doubt, it's time to believe again. Love is out there! To get your copy of this inspirational book, CLICK HERE.

Why This Project?

While bouncing between countries last year, the idea came to me.

A friend had just gotten married. I was SO happy for her! SO happy because I knew that she had waited for a looooooong time for God to bring her new husband and her together. And I remembered years ago, when she was in her mid 30s, how she talked about making peace with her singleness and going through a raw, painful journey of trusting God with it. At the time, mid 30s was ages away for me and I admired this serenity and wisdom she had about everything.

I've always been sensitive to my friends' heartbreak. I was at a party once and a guy one of my friends really liked was there. I did some subtle fishing for her, only to make the sad discovery that he wasn't interested. I cried for her on the way home. And I prayed. But I was a bit annoyed. So many of my friends longed for that special someone. WHERE. Was. He?!

So several years ago, I started to pray with and for them about this issue. To pray for my girlfriends and for their future husbands. And declare that they were on their way, dang it, in Jesus' name, they were on their way! 

Back to a year ago when that one friend got married. It was like a spark of hope had ignited. If it can happen for her, then it can happen for others. And if it can happen for others, then . . .  it can happen for me.

After all, it's my story, too.

And so I thought that I would write this inspirational book and compile lots and lots of these hope-sparking stories. I was so excited about this idea I hardly slept for a couple of days - thinking all about it. Yet I didn't feel any peace to move forward. Argh. I hate when it's clear that the Holy Spirit is putting something on hold when you're just chomping at the bit! Ha! 

So I guess I just sort of forgot about it . . .

In the last couple of months I've been working on some fiction writing projects, but feeling a bit ho hum about them. I started to pray for some divine inspiration. And then last week, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, quite unexpectedly, THIS book project came to mind again.

And I knew, dear reader. I knew. I knew! I knew it was the right time to begin. Yay! 

And so, I've begun. 

While I've coached writers on organising their own books and staying motivated and how to get out of the quagmire of "writer's block;" and I've written in various forms for years and years, this will be my first published book. This WILL be my first published book.

There I've said it. 

I'm using what I have. Right where I am. Doing what I can do. Relying on the Holy Spirit to bring the exact right extraordinary women with the exact right stories, and relying on Him to guide me along the way. It's what we all must do, right?

Ain't no going back now!

In the blog portion of the site, I hope to chronicle the process of this project (provisionally entitled "Never Too Late") and share a bit of my personal journey.

At the very least, it'll be entertaining. ;) Come along with me! 

If you want to include your story as part of this project, please CLICK HERE for more information on how to get involved. (And do please share with your community!)